Report Card - Doomscroll District School
Notable signalReport cards for your posts by one tired teacher.
Launched 1mo ago
Signal
50
Velocity
0
What this means
Decaying
Vote pace down to 0% of launch speed.
-50%Category cooling: Funny.
Launches down 50% week-over-week.
17Founder Conviction Index: 17 — low signal.
Few of the conviction sub-signals (reputation, velocity, buyer-intent, tagline clarity) are firing yet.
Prediction
Top-5 finish probability
5%
today
Projected end-of-day votes
18range 14–24
Trajectory
decaying
Vote pace down to 0% of launch speed.
About
Report Card is the official grade slip of Doomscroll District School, Fall 2026 semester. Accredited by nobody. (We checked.) Enrollment takes one social media handle to grade card. No login, no password, nothing to install. Private accounts are politely turned away at the gate. The teacher reads your recent public posts and grades six subjects. Grades run from A+ (with a gold star sticker) to F (Parents meeting).
AI Summary
Report Card offers a humorous evaluation of public social media posts, grading them across six subjects without requiring user login or installation. The service is accessible by submitting a social media handle, with private accounts not eligible for grading.
Attention & discussion velocity
Performance
Velocity0
Vote pace vs average
Momentum0
Sustained over 6h
Virality0
Spread × engagement
Engagement100
Discussion per unit of attention
Signal sources
2 of 6 active- Launch tracking9 readings since we picked it up
- AI analysisConsumer App
- Comment intelligencethread not yet analysed
- Outside discussionnot checked — domain is a storefront or shared
- Revenue signalsno match on this domain
- Editorial scoringbelow the signal threshold for this pass
A source that found nothing is a measurement. A source that has not run is a gap. Neither means the launch lacks the thing.
